Before you read
Content note: this post discusses sexual assault, including a recent reported case. Please read at your own pace, and skip to the support resources at the end if you need them.
There is a story many survivors of sexual assault are measured against before anyone hears what actually happened to them. The survivor was sober. She fought back. The attacker was a stranger. She reported it immediately, remembers every detail, and her account never wavers.
As trauma therapists, we almost never meet this person. We meet real people, whose experiences are circular, more confusing, and no less real. A recent case out of Cornell University shows how much harm this “perfect victim” story can do.
What the Cornell 7 case is about
A former Cornell student, identified in court documents as Jane Doe, has filed a civil lawsuit reporting that she was drugged and sexually assaulted by seven members of a campus fraternity in October 2024. She also alleges that the university failed to adequately protect and support her.
According to news reports, messages describing what was happening were shared in a group chat of about 50 people, and no one in that chat reported it to police. When she went to campus police, no criminal charges were laid at first. The statement police passed to the district attorney described her drug use and sexual conduct as “voluntary, conscious, and consensual.” (The Ithaca Voice)
In September 2026, the local district attorney announced the investigation would be reopened. Cornell says its own process led to sanctions, including expulsions and suspensions. Her attorney has said she left university after the alleged assault. These allegations remain before the courts, and we are not here to judge the facts of the case. We are here to talk about the story that shaped how it was first received.
The myth of the “perfect victim”
Criminologist Nils Christie described the “ideal victim” decades ago: the person society most readily recognizes as harmed and blameless. In sexual assault, that image usually looks like a sober woman attacked by a stranger, who resisted, reported right away, and tells her story the same way every time.
Survivors rarely match this. Some were drinking or using substances. Many knew the person who harmed them, or had agreed to some contact before things changed. Many froze, went along with it to stay safe, or stayed in contact afterwards. Many waited months or years to tell anyone, and many have memories that are fragmented or out of order.
None of these responses mean an assault didn’t happen. Freezing and fragmented memory are well-documented trauma responses. Yet each “imperfection” becomes a reason to doubt. When the people meant to help start from the perfect victim story, they ask why she drank, why she didn’t leave, why her account has gaps. The survivor learns to ask herself the same questions.
A trauma-informed lens
Feminist trauma work, shaped by clinicians like Judith Herman in Trauma and Recovery, starts from a simple idea: trauma happens inside relationships of power, and recovery happens inside relationships of safety. That means we can’t understand sexual violence only by looking at individual “bad people.” We also have to look at the culture that makes harm easier to commit and harder to name.
The Cornell case shows this clearly. Dozens of people reportedly saw messages about what was happening, and no one stepped in. That silence isn’t just individual failure. It reflects a culture where sexual violence is joked about, minimized, or treated as someone else’s business.
The perfect victim myth is part of that culture. It shifts attention away from the choices of the people who cause harm and onto the behaviour of the person harmed. It protects institutions from accountability. And it teaches survivors that their pain only counts if they fit the script. From a feminist lens, believing survivors isn’t naive. It’s a refusal to let power decide whose story is real.
Substances, consent, and the law in Canada
One of the most damaging parts of the perfect victim story is how it treats drinking and drug use. If a survivor was under the influence, people often assume she bears some of the blame, or that her earlier choices mean she agreed to everything that followed.
Canadian law says otherwise. Under the Criminal Code, consent must be present for each sexual activity, at the time it happens. It can be withdrawn at any point. And a person who is incapable of consenting, including because they’re too intoxicated, cannot legally consent. The Supreme Court of Canada has also confirmed that consent must be ongoing and conscious.
In plain terms: saying yes to a drink, a party, or one person is not saying yes to everything after. Using substances is not consent. Responsibility belongs to the people who choose to go ahead anyway. (This is general information, not legal advice.)
This myth doesn’t protect anyone, including men
The perfect victim story is built around a narrow image of who can be harmed. That leaves many survivors out entirely, including men and boys.
Men are often told they should have fought back, that they must have wanted it, or that it simply can’t happen to them. These messages come from the same rigid ideas about gender that feminist work has long challenged. As a result, many men carry their experiences in silence for years, often believing they are the only one.
The myth also fails gender-diverse survivors, survivors harmed by partners, and anyone whose story doesn’t fit the script. A culture that only believes “perfect” victims ends up protecting the people who cause harm. Dismantling it is good for everyone.
What healing can look like
If you’ve ever wondered whether what happened to you “counts,” it does. You don’t need to have fought back, been sober, reported it, or remember every detail. Your confusion, numbness, shame, or anger are understandable responses to something that should never have happened.
In trauma-informed therapy, healing starts with safety and choice. You decide what to share and when. You don’t have to tell the whole story to begin. Together, we work on easing the hold that trauma has on your body and mind, and on rebuilding trust in yourself.
At The Healing Collective, our therapists support survivors of all genders, as well as couples and families affected by sexual violence. We offer therapy across Ontario with no waitlist. When you’re ready, we’re here. Visit healingcollective.ca to book a consultation.
If you need support right now
- Assaulted Women’s Helpline (24/7, Ontario): 1-866-863-0511, for women and gender-diverse people
- 9-8-8 Suicide Crisis Helpline: call or text 9-8-8, available to anyone in Canada
- Your local sexual assault centre: many Ontario centres support survivors of all genders
- Emergency: call 911 if you are in immediate danger
Sources
- The ‘Cornell 7’ reported rape shows why we need to rethink sexual violence prevention, The Conversation
- ‘Cornell 7’: District attorney to reopen investigation in fraternity rape allegations, The Ithaca Voice
- ‘Cornell 7’ gang rape lawsuit: What we know about the allegations so far, Snopes