By Lisa Derencinovic, RSW, The Healing Collective
“I’m just so tired.” I hear these words almost every week from women in their 40s. They aren’t talking about the kind of tired a good night’s sleep can fix. They’re describing a bone-deep exhaustion that follows them into the weekend, onto vacation and into bed at night.
If that sounds familiar, you may be dealing with burnout. And you are far from alone.
Why burnout hits so hard in your 40s
Midlife often brings the heaviest load many women will ever carry. You may be in the busiest stretch of your career while raising children or teenagers. At the same time, your parents may be aging and starting to need more from you. Friendships, partnerships and your own health can slip to the bottom of a very long list.
Many women also carry what’s often called the “mental load”: the invisible work of remembering, planning and anticipating everyone’s needs. Who needs a dentist appointment? What’s for dinner? Did anyone sign the permission form? That constant background hum is exhausting, even when nobody sees it.
On top of that, hormonal changes in perimenopause can affect sleep, mood and energy. When your body is already working harder, the same demands can feel twice as heavy.
Common signs of burnout
Burnout tends to creep in slowly, so it’s easy to miss. Here are some signs I often see in the women I work with:
- Exhaustion that rest doesn’t fix. You wake up tired and stay tired.
- Feeling detached or numb. Things you used to care about feel flat or pointless.
- Irritability. Small things, like a dish left in the sink, set you off.
- Trouble concentrating. You walk into a room and forget why you came.
- Physical symptoms. Headaches, tight shoulders, stomach problems or getting sick more often.
- Losing yourself. You can’t remember the last time you did something just for you.
- Dreading the day. Mornings feel like bracing for impact.
If you’re nodding along, please know this isn’t a personal failing. Burnout is a natural response to giving more than you have for too long.
Burnout and grief often travel together
Something I’ve noticed over the years is that burnout is rarely only about being busy. Many women are also grieving, sometimes without realizing it. You might be grieving the career you set aside, the marriage that changed, the body that feels different, or the life you pictured for yourself at this age.
That unspoken grief takes energy too. When we give it a name, it often becomes lighter to carry.
Small steps that can help today
Recovery from burnout doesn’t happen overnight, but small changes add up. You might try:
- Notice your body. Take a moment to check in. Are your shoulders up by your ears? Is your jaw clenched? Three slow breaths can help your nervous system settle.
- Drop one thing. Look at your to-do list and choose one task to delay, delegate or let go of entirely.
- Say no once this week. Every “no” to something that drains you is a “yes” to yourself.
- Bring back one small joy. Read a chapter of a novel, put on music and dance in the kitchen, or sit with a pet. Joy is not a reward you have to earn.
- Talk to someone. Burnout grows in isolation. Saying it out loud to a trusted person is a powerful first step.
How counselling can help with burnout
In our sessions, we slow things down. Together we look at what’s draining you, what’s still nourishing you, and what you want to change. I use approaches like cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) to help untangle thoughts such as “I have to do it all,” mindfulness to reconnect with your body, and solution-focused therapy to find small, realistic next steps.
My style is gentle and supportive. You won’t be judged for feeling tired, frustrated or stuck. And while there may be tears, there’s often laughter too. Healing doesn’t have to be heavy all the time.
I know the power of counselling because I’ve used social work services at different times in my own life. Reaching out for support isn’t a sign that you’ve failed. It’s a sign that you matter too.
You don’t have to wait to feel better
If you’re a woman over 40 in Ontario feeling burnt out and overwhelmed, I’d love to help. I offer virtual sessions Monday to Friday anywhere in Ontario, with in-person sessions available on request. The Healing Collective has no waitlist, so you can start when you’re ready.
If anxiety or feeling overwhelmed by loss is also part of your story, you may find my posts on anxiety in your 40s and grieving the life you expected helpful too.
This is your healing journey, and I’m here to help, one step at a time. [Book a free consultation with Lisa.]